in0the0red

08:49 am: ch ch ch changes
so, there is so much on my mind right now. i don't even know where to begin. i guess i'll just update as best as i can. i have finals next week, and i'm graduating june 13th= flipping out. its great, but of course, it's scarry at the same time. i need to find a job, which is few and far inbetween in this business, but i know i will because i've worked so hard to get where i'm going. there is no doubt in my mind that i'll be one of the top radio broadcasters in NYC, but it'll take time. if there's room for doubt, there's room for failure.

i'm going back to buffalo for the summer and moving into 212 richmond with one of my best friends, Ryan (and eff off about the best friend thing. just shut up and feel special). it'll be cool... Jess and Erica will come over as much as possible to help me bother Ryan and his friend Devon, who seems to have become a fixture in the house. we're also going to have a cat that every getto bastard on the block will want. ps- we need a name for her. jess and i have talked about getting a really awesome collar and making her as bad ass as possible... haha. i'll be working at bombshell during the week, so my weekend hours will be all about partying. I'm going to lay it out on the table now, it's going to get crazy with my scandal sista'-Jess. we're going to paint the town as much as possible this summer. i'm really looking forward to hanging out back in buffalo with my family and friends. i've needed and deserved this for so long now. i've been on the verge of cracking for quite a while. there's just too much going on and not enough in the outcome.

weird-i got a phone call today from a friend of mine in buffalo, who will remain nameless b/c i know how 'talk' goes in buffalo. we fell out of touch when i graduated high school, but i've always regretted it. i will be the first one to admitt that it was mainly my fault, for reasons i don't really want to get into right now. all that needs to be said is that i was with nick at the time, and this kid wanted more than a friendship. anyway... some how we always end up running into eachother every coupple of months. well, this time, he called me out of nowhere... there was no 'running into eachother'. i'm tellin' you, great timeing. at least this time i'll be able to stay longer than a week to make plans with him.

once again, this is a VERY short rundown of what's going on right now.

02:25 am: BEST ADVICE FROM THE WEEK
"you're always wondering what's next, hungry to get ahead...it means you'll be just fine."

"it's not like you're getting a life sentence...you're just going somewhere to gather your thoughts."

01:05 am: some survey
to cure frustrations
fucking surveys

name = katie
piercings = 6
tattoos = 2 (and cant count the stars all over my back on my 2nd)
height= 5'3
shoe size = 8 1/2
hair color = black w/ red streaks
siblings = one, a brother

[LAST...]
movie you watched= scarface
movie you bought = reality bites
song you listened to = springsteen- human touch
song that was stuck in you head = party all the time (horrable)
cd you bought = reggie and the full effect- re-relese
cd you listened to = springsteen - the essential
person you've called = ry
person that's called you = jess
tv show you've watched = forensic files

[DO...]
you have a crush on someone = more like- i like you a lot, but i have no idea what you're thinking.
you wish you could live somewhere else = yes
you think about suicide = no
you believe in online dating = nope
others find you attractive = yeh, they can't keep their eyes off of me (what a question)
you want more piercings = yes
you like cleaning = not particularly, but i know i have to
you like roller coasters = yes!
you write in cursive or print = print

[FOR OR AGAINST...]
long distance relationships = i can definately handle it
using someone = NO
suicide = against
killing people = who do you got?
smoking = if you want to, its your business, but i do occasionally
driving drunk = GGRRRRR...so against it.
gay/lesbian relationships = remember that kid book, "(insert name here) has two momies?"

[HAVE YOU...]
ever cried over a girl = yes, because of lying/backstabbing
ever cried over a boy = i swear, boys were invented by the kleenex company
ever lied to someone = i would be lying if i said i didnt
ever been in a fist fight = yep, and boy was it good


[WHAT...]
shampoo do you use = ArtTech color shampoo
shoes do you wear = my samba K's/ or my new hot pink converse
are you scared of = lots of stuff....

[NUMBER...]
of times I have been in love?= once, at least what i believe to be love.
of times I have had my heart broken? = three times.
of hearts I have broken? = am i the man in the moon? didn't think so. like i should know.
of times my name has appeared in the newspaper? once
of things in my past that I regret? = no regrets

[DO YOU THINK YOU ARE...]
pretty= in pink
hot= hot like july?
friendly= like your mom
amusing= what do you think?
ugly= not a chance
loveable= oh so much
caring= very
sweet= i try
dorky= the majority of the time

[FAVORITE...]
5 letter word: tramp
Actor/actress: adrian brodie, anjelia jole
Candy: sour patch kids
Cartoon: Family Guy
Cereal: luckey charms
Chewing gum: orbit winterfresh
Color(s): hot pink and black
Color nail polish: pearl, if any
Day of week: friday
Least fave day: monday
Flower: yellow roses/ hibiscus
Jello flavor: red
Jewelry: pearls, obnoxiously huge earings, and bangels
Special skills/talents: singing, guitar, radio, your mom
Summer/Winter: autumn


|| Person who last.. ||
Slept in your bed: i sleep in someone elses bed/couch- ry
Saw you cry: i dont cry in front of others really
Made you cry: not mentioning
You went to the movies with: steveo
Yelled at you: mom
Sent you an email: leslie

|| Have you ever.. ||
Said "I love you" and meant it?: yes
Gone out in public in your pajamas: yes, to get gas for my car, give me a break
Cried during a movie: yes
Planned your week based on the TV: who does that?
Been on stage: yes, cant count how many times
Been to New York: lived there for 18 years, unless you're talking about NYC...then its still a yes. numerous times.
Been to California: no
Hawaii: no
China: yeh right
Canada: of course
Europe: I FUCKIN' WISH
Asia: no, dont plan on it
South: SOUTH WHAT FOOL?
Australia: nope
Wished you were another gender: perfectly happy in every way
What time is it now?: 2:07am

|| This or That? ||
Apples or bananas?: bannanas....but pears are better
Blue or red?: red
Walmart or target?: target because you'll see less ho's
Spring or Fall?: fall
What are you gonna do after you finish this?: read
What was the last meal you ate?: mac n' crack
Are you bored?: well, i'm doing this damn survey aren't i?
Last noise you heard?: a car screaching down the street
Last smell you sniffed?: what>?


|| Friendship/Love ||
Do you believe in love at first sight?: no... lame
Do you want children one day & if so, how many? one day, i'm not planning how many...
Most important thing to you in a friendship is: trust...honesty

|| Other Info ||
Criminal record?: for hitting some ho
Do you speak any other languages?: asidqkmdplkmpldjpoe
Last book you read: some lame text book
Name some of your favorite things in your bedroom?: pink blanket
Worst feeling in the world: not knowing what someone else is thinking
Who do you love: "i'm just a love machine"


|| You ||
Nickname(s): Kate, Ramrod
Initials: CAR
How old do you look?: 22
How old do you act?: 26
Glasses/Contacts: glasses
Braces: nope
Do you have any pets?: bunny-toby...maybe a cat soon
You get embarrassed: sure
What makes you happy?: friends
What upsets you?: lying


|| Finish the sentence: ||
I Love to...make fun of others
I Miss...your ways of making me laugh
I Wish...i had a job in radio right now
I Hope...to get a job real soon
I'm Annoyed by...school and those lame kids in it
I Am... about to crack on all sorts of levels
I Want to be...so many things
I Would Never...move to florida
I'd Rather be...homeless
I Am Tired of...school
I Will Always be... yours truly

02:55 am: always
it great to have those moments where two people can understand each other so well that they know what exactly the other is thinking and what facial expression comes next...even if they're not in each others presence.

02:38 am: our conclusion for the evening
Auto response from Publik Hangings:
I don't think God had anything to do with it. Girls were made by Tylenol, and boys were made by Kleenex. They've been raking in the fruits of their efforts ever since.

10:17 pm: girls give you a headache... WHAT ABOUT YOU BOYS?!
Ok, so I'm going to continue ryan's rant about how girls give him a headache with a little rebuttal of my own… on why guys give me a headache....
“There are a lot of things about (guys) that just make no sense to me, things they say, ways that they behave and I am going to just list a few of them to vent off some steam right now because if I don't, my head might explode.”

~ I smile due to the fact that I'm a pretty happy individual, or you said something funny, or because you look funny(which is the more likely of the three)...not because I want to get in your pants...FULL OF YOURSELF ARE WE? Railing some dude is not always on my list of things to do in my daily routine. Don't they understand that I have better things to do than to suck them off in the back of some bar?

~ When a dude wants to be a real friend, he knows how it goes. You lie…I find out. Tell me anything in the world…I DON’T GIVE A FUCK…just tell me the truth. I don’t expect you to tell me everything…just don’t lie to my face…it’s not becoming. I don't need people like that in my life.

~If you know you’re the town bike scumbag down the street…don’t even approach me. Move on to some other skirt that appreciates you using her mouth as a vacuum device.

~ When some jockstrap comes up to me in a bar and introduces himself by asking me a question...like "you look like a sara, is your name sara?"...I just want to know if he really expects me to answer back with my given birth-name. Ask me you ass…. don't try to play smooth...it doesn't work. And for fuck's sake, why does every guy ask if my name is Sara?...Do I look like a Sara to you? Didn’t think so.

~ If a guy wants to be my friend, why so frequently is the case that they like me more than a friend 10 years later!??!?!! Then… they don’t have the balls to say it ti’ll I’m 4 hours away from getting “in” a fucking plane. Or, this is even better…when they have a girlfriend. Did I ask for some horrible 80’s flick to enter my life? NO!

~ Which leads me into the next comment…I’m not a fucking mind-reader…I don’t know what you’re thinking. Even if you think I do, give it the benefit of the doubt that I probably DO NOT. I may like you back, but until you fucking grow the balls, don’t count on anything dropping in your lap all wrapped up with a little bow. If I’ve already tried to tell you how I feel… the least you can do is say something back. Why the games?

~ Why are guys so afraid to communicate? They always seem to be dodging the bullets. And why the hell to they answer my questions in the form of a question? Can they not think of a brilliant reply?

~ Why are guys always bitchin' about girls but then run back to those very same girls that they were bitchin' about to begin with? You either want it, or you don't. I'll never understand...

*Oh yeah, and the name is Katie, Miss. Ramsey if you’re nasty.

*But this is where I get all sappy and become understandable:

~ It’s always nice to have that person to run to when you need a guys perspective.

~ I love walking into a house to find a guy sleeping on the couch… just so I can disturb him by taking up the remaining space...and get some cuddlin :)

~ Guys are usually right when it comes to relationship issues (be it friend or whatever you’re scamming at the time).

~ I’m a fan of the over-protective brothers… it makes me feel loved. Or, when they pick on the ex’s for a bit… I can get a good laugh out of my day.

~ The majority of them can make me laugh harder than my girl-friends can.

~ A hug from a guy is sometimes all I need for a good cheer-up.

OK, I’M DONE… that was a good way to blow off some steam I've had building up. I still don't understand them comepletely, of course. But we all know that's the fun if it...yyyeeaahhh riiiggghht ;)

02:41 pm: what the hell do i do
well, the on-going process of the job hunt is not even close to over...from Seattle to NYC...I'm looking EVERYWHERE. Things are so hectic in this profession. Nobody is hireing in any of the Promotion's Departments I've called, so I'm going into the studio to work on my first demo today...basically taking this dry-spell moment as a sign that I should get my ass in gear and do what I really want to do...on-air. I plan on giving the demo to the Music Director at Q101 this week. They're looking for people who can take some on-air weekend shifts. From there, I'll be sending it out to every freakin' radio station I can find.

Keep my hopes up and say something encouraging before I snap. Telling myself I'll make it... isn't exactly working 100%.

01:25 pm: BEDTIME FOR BONZO'S at ryan's
Ryan: Just thought I would keep you posted on everything you're missing...





Me: i so wish i was back in buffalo....


~XO

10:50 am: normality
things are getting back to normal out here in chicago. i know i won't be back in buffalo any tme soon, so there's nothing much to look forward to other than graduation and the fun of what is looking for a 'real' job...eff that.

smirky mc-smirk and i were talking about mooving today. he said that if i get an offer out in the seattle area i should go out there with him and m.d. it would be an awesome bunch. he and i would sass eachother every day ti'll we're blue in the face. i could only immagine the mornings~
him: so what rocker scumbag did you rail last night?
me: the one you took out the night before.
him: (smirk & chuckle)...yeh

we also discussed the fact of the MAJOR RAJER that would be thrown for our going-away. its a nice thought... we'll have to see i guess.

10:44 am: HATE fighting
i'm in a fight with erica again. this is just fucking great. never a dull moment in our friendship. she and i are like sisters, so you could only immagine what we're fighting about...impatience. i'm never ready when she is, and everyone knows i take forever...so i don't know why it surprises her. she wasn't in much of a hurry, only going to alona's house...no fire to run from. i don't know. every once in a while we'll get in to some tiff because of some petty hoarse-shit thing. i left buffalo on bad terms with her, but it will all turn out ok. she gave me attitude, and i'm sick of being pushed around...hence, i say "fine!" in an annoyed manner and walk away before i crack her one. that's just the small recap. people know i'm not a fighter. i'm no granola-eating hippy, but i'm no hell's angel either.